• character: says "I like bread" that one time
  • fandom: character has an obsession with bread. bread is character's true love. draws character as bread. every meta joke in fanfic is about bread. the character's room is wallpapered with bread

chrssy:

riding your man like

image

  • (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
  • Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
  • Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
  • Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
  • Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
  • (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)

like-snape-loved-lily:

profanity-generator:

cummanding:

they forgot internet explorer 

he’s still loading

^ omg

88th:

is there proof of anyone winning a tumblr giveaway ever

Cosmo Sex Tip #676

ohhvanity:

shoe-inhibitions:

When he cums in your hand, wipe it on his forehead and whisper: “Simba”

Omg.

corkidorki:

After our trip to the island

“Oh sweet bed, how I’ve missed you.”